LOL! Me and the OP's list looks almost the same
I used to hand this out at interviews a long time ago and it did get me hired to a few places
Dear Prospective Employer,
Thank you for reading this during my interview. What I have written down below consists of a type of list. I do hope this answers some of your questions for this interview.
1. I sat at your "Hiring station" and it took me about 2 hours to complete the application because of your slow computer. I don't like playing "20 Questions" and half of them have been designed in such a way that I could end up sabotaging myself, so thats why I didn't answer them.
2. Don't expect top notch work at Minimum Wage. If you are willing to pay more, I'm willing to give more.
3. Please note that I have applactions all over the area, so if another employer is willing to pay me more for the same kind of work don't expect me to come back.
4. If I'm doing something wrong or have done something wrong, I expect you to tell me about it so I can fix it or make amends to it.
5. I really am a hard worker. If I'm the only one working for 3rd shift without help, then you can't expect me to move faster than I already am, I'm not willing to injure myself by moving any faster, I'd like to keep all my fingers. I can only do so much at one time.
6. I don't cover up anyone's tracks for anything. I don't care how much you want me to lie for you or someone else, it just won't happen. Not even with a pay increase.
7. Don't come to me after a few months and tell me you have to let me go because of something I've done or some other ****, please read #4 again.
8. I don't like anyone wasting my time, I expect to be hired after this interview. If I'm not hired, then you have wasted my time(and my gas) I could of spent checking back in at other places. I expect to be compted for my wasted time and gas.
Thanks for reading this cover letter, if you should have any other questions, and I expect you will, feel free to ask them!