Thread: Chuck Norris!!

Bob Padilla wanted em.. so here they are



Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

f you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.



Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.


There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Lol I just think they are ridiculously awesome.

Did you know he really didnt know all these jokes were out about him for a long time?

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.


If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down


Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.


If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.


Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.


There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.


Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.


Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Before the boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.